Thursday, September 21, 2006

OUR PLACE

Firstly I’d like to say – and I think I speak for Sooz as well - thankyou so much for the support you’ve shown on this little venture. I’ve been taking great interest and note of the comments coming through, and a few things have really struck a chord with me.

This blog, and what Sooz and I believe very strongly in, is really needed. There is so much which is left unsaid in the maze of motherhood, and so much is skirted around, avoidance is one of our greatest tactics as mothers, and women. So for us to perhaps confront some of those beliefs and stigmas is hard, but also very welcomed by other people. It strikes me constantly when I talk to other women about motherhood – they truly appreciate someone speaking out and telling it how it is. Sometimes you can see the visible relief that someone has said what they're thinking.

There are so few outlets for us to just let it all out – and the comments reflect that need to talk and be part of something bigger. The length that many of you have gone to in writing your reflections and your views is extraordinary for a blog – and I personally thank you for taking the time to let us know, and to let other people reading know, your experiences and your feedback. Part of us setting up this blog was to establish some dialogue between people – some discussion, and you’ve all jumped straight on that and contributed to everything we’ve written. It’s hard for us to respond to individual comments, but we really want to continue many of these discussions, and will do so through the comments, so please check back if you do make a comment, and see how the thread develops.

The last thing which has struck me is the pressure that comes across in many of your words. The pressure to be something you’re not, to justify your words or your actions, to be politically correct in what you say and how you say it. I really want this to be a pressure free zone – so much of what I try and aim for, and get across to other women is to back away from the pressure we put on ourselves to be Perfect Mothers and Women. What is a perfect mother? What is Right or Wrong in motherhood? The fact is there is no right or wrong, no perfect method of bringing up a child. There is no perfect labour. No perfect hospital bag. No perfect diet for your child, and no perfect education. To try and achieve that will only kill some part of you inside. I really hope, through this blog, you can find a space which is without some of that pressure, and where you can let of some steam, and somewhere you can realise that everyone else is struggling, and in the same boat, and take some consolation from that. And that the decisions we make are our decisions, and really, that’s all that matters.

2 Comments:

Anonymous the painted pear said...

It is human nature to judge on some level, some people judge more than others, and some of those people are more verbal about it. But what it really comes down to is how much we are judging ourselves, and how our defensiveness can kick in. I try to think that way when someone may verbally or physically make me feel as though I am not being the mom "they" are.

3:06 am  
Blogger sarah said...

I'll never forget the time that I first discovered blogs. Believe it or not it wasn't the craft that got me (that came later) it was reading the words of other mothers. It was finding out that I wasn't alone. My experience of childbirth was one of great trauma. I felt like I was living in a fog in the months that followed. Being able to connect into this community was a lifeline to me. As time has moved on, the fog has lifted and I love being a mum. That's not to say I don't still struggle to find a balance between family life and creativity and work and all the other stuff, it's just easier knowing there are others who struggle with these issues too. I guess I just wanted to say thank-you for making a space for this discussion, it's really important and it really does make a difference...

9:53 am  

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